Sunday, July 09, 2006

Jesus Is A Bodysurfer



San Francisco prides itself on its oddness and idiosyncracy but for sheer freakishness, the city can't hold a candle to Los Angeles.



This is a place that has specialized in Christian Apocalypse Cults since the modern city began, with Aimee Semple MacPherson leading the way for a colorful lineage of fervent believers and hucksters.



In Redondo Beach, at a small strip mall containing one of the original Trader Joe's outlets in the world...



...an evangelist in a white suit and gold glitter tie hovers around his Jesus-mobile everyday...



...ready to spread the good news.



Earlier in the week in Santa Barbara, we stumbled across a large boat in the marina with WATERMANACADEMY.COM stenciled on its side and the name "Rapture" painted on its back. (Click here to get there, if you dare. The photos below are taken from the site.)



According to a "Counselor" in his 20's who we talked to, the boat was originally a research vessel that had been turned into an "adventure" vessel that could sleep 110 people in bunk beds. It was based out of San Diego and took frequent trips to Catalina Island, usually with 13-to-19-year-old boys.



They claim to take alienated teenage boys in hand, and at $6,000 for a three-week boot camp, they turn the boys into "men."



"I'll bet you it's a Christian Cult with a pinch of the paramilitary," I guessed to my friends and the website proved me correct.



Though I'm not interested in sex with teenagers and never have been (even when I was a teenager), the operation also reeked of NAMBLA-style homoeroticism.



To add to the general creepiness, Santa Barbara's own Hate Radio Celebrity, Dr. Laura herself, had just impressed the young men with her "courageous" rapelling down the side of the boat.



I must confess that much of Christian dogma strikes me as superfluous since it's so easy to see God where the ocean meets land.



Some people see God in the mountains...



...and others in the desert.



I tend to feel him/her/it while gliding through a warm wave.



Beaches are also wonderful places for children to play...



...beautifully...



...which does much to stave off that $6,000 alienation down the road.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi SFMike,

I just created my own blogger site and I was hoping you could tell me how to advertise it so that people know that it exists. Thanks.

Matt

sfmike said...

Dear Matt: The first thing you want to do is have your identity up at the top (rather than "anonymous") when you comment somewhere else, with an automatic link back to your blog.

As for how to advertise it, I don't have a clue. I'm still amazed when people stumble across this site.

markleym said...

Great pix! Your vacation seems wonderful, Mike.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike,

I had a couple other questions:

1.) Is it possible to check out how many hits your site has gotten (note: not how many people have viewed your profile).

2.) How were you able to get your blog to show up on a google search?

Thanks,

Matt

sfmike said...

Dear Anonymous Matt: Jesus, what are you, a marketing person?

As for your questions, 1) yes it's possible to see how many hits your site has gotten with StatCounter or other add-ons, but I've never bothered, and 2) far more devious minds than mine have been trying to figure out how to appear on Google frequently, but again, I don't even think about it.

By the way, what's the actual name of your blog so my devoted readership can check it out?

sfwillie said...

Phew! I actually had to read the narrative to understand that you and Tony weren't physically present on the boat with those Christian boy-gunmen. Be careful. We want you back in one piece.

Pedro said...

sf mike,
I big hug from me , Miss Sophia and Mamma kimberlee, life indeed can be beautiful.
txau

Anonymous said...

Hi sfmike,

I would include my blog link on this site but I think that my blog would offend your readers. Without going into it too much, my blog deals with certain fetishes that I have with women. It is harmless (fortunately), but I don't want to risk alienating your fans. This is why I choose to remain anonymous. Thanks for the info.

Matt

Jennifer said...

Wow. "An overwhelming amount of young men are behaving badly" according to the WATERMAN site. Ah. Much amounts of help are sure to be provided by said program, and I look forward to encountering fewer distant, defiant, and uncooperative young men in the future.

That look on Dr. Laura's face is priceless!

janinsanfran said...

Wow. Those white boys are scary.

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed with your site, very nice graphics!
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Anonymous said...

After passing by the big boat in S.D. Harbor i checked out the site. Very scary. No way in hell would I send my son to that. I'd send him to do construction in Alaska or something useful like that.

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